divorce

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Studies have found that children who are in elementary school at the time of their parents divorce experience more problems dealing with the divorce than children who are pre-school age (Frost & Pakiz, 10). During the elementary school years, children have a general idea of what divorce is, and some of the changes that will take place in their family. At this age, they also feel especially vulnerable because of the dependency they have on their parents (Brubeck & Beer, 1). The children experience the loss of the relationship between themselves and the now non-residential parent. They also see the absence of the mutual support and respect that their parents once shared.

Children experience and react in different ways to divorce. They experience emotional trauma, such as feelings of loss, suffering, and anger.

Some other effects children encounter are behavioral problems. These include having tantrums, depression, anxiety, withdrawal, poor performance in school, and crying. It has been reported that higher occurrences of aggression have been linked to children whose parents are divorced (Frost & Pakiz, 10; Hartill, 001, Bray, 001). Besides aggression, some other ways children react to divorce is by regression, anti-socialism, sadness, grief, and more extreme suicide. They feel insecure about relationships, and how they should act towards others, especially those of the opposite gender (Hofmann & Zippco, 186).

Experts have observed that children act differently in both emotional and behavioral situations where divorce is involved. One of these situations is the interaction in peer relations. As mentioned above, children are not sure how to socialize and work cooperatively with other children. They feel that since their parents are divorced, they are different from other children.




A second situation is that their dependency on both parents has been altered. Do they have to select which parent they would like to live with? Do they stop depending on the non-residential parent now and more on the parent with whom they reside?

Another situation is the hostility they may now feel towards both of their parents. The child may feel anger towards one of their parents for forcing the other parent to move out and the other for leaving. Who do they turn to?

The fourth situation is withdrawal. These children become passive because of their fear again of being different than other children. They may also not want to interact due to dejection. This feeling may lead to school progress declining and lack of an appetite.

Lastly, children may suffer from depression. With children, depression and low self-esteem seem to appear to be in a negative correlation towards one another. When their self-esteem is high, their depression is low and vice versa. Along with experiencing low self-esteem, children also experience greater anxiety and feelings of distress (Bray, 001; Brubeck & Beer, 1). These feelings make it difficult for children to form friendships or resist from peer-pressures; thus, they isolate themselves.

Children, most of the time, feel that their parents are getting a divorce because of them. This feeling triggers many other emotions and behaviors. Children begin to worry excessively about many different items that are out of their control, such as who will take care of them, and what will happen next. They also fear being left alone (Cowen, Pedro-Carroll, & Alpert-Gillis, 10). These feelings can result in children forming negative habits, such as cigarette and marijuana smoking, drinking alcohol, doing drugs, partaking in sexual relations, and stealing. These habits can lead to juvenile delinquency (Bray, 001; Frost & Pakiz, 10). They may even go to the extreme of planning or attempting to commit suicide.

Another emotion children feel is being rushed into adult roles and responsibilities. This is because one parent is or has moved out as a result of the divorce. For example, the parent with whom the child is residing has to work longer hours to make ends meet financially (Amato 000). Thus, the child or children must help to do some of the parental jobs, such as cleaning the house, babysitting younger siblings, and running errands. As a result of taking on different responsibilities, males and females react in various ways.

Although some effects are the same in both males and females, some effects have a more dominant reaction in one of the genders. For example, females tend to have lower self-esteem, anxiety, and are more depressed than males. They also suffer more emotional trauma (Doherty & Needle, 11; Videon, 00). Females have a difficult time interacting with others, especially those of the opposite gender (Beer, 11). Girls tend to become more sexually promiscuous and resentful towards the parent who has been over-dependent on them (Carlile, 11, Teachman, 001).

On the other hand, males are more likely to have behavioral problems, such as being delinquents, using illegal substances, and having violent tempers. Males react more intensely to the loss of their fathers because boys share a common bond with them. Research has shown that males whose parents divorced achieve lower scores in school.

However, unlike females, males show some positive effects of divorce. Males can develop more of a positive self-concept and have higher levels of social interaction with friends (Frost & Pakiz, 10) Males are also less tense during the period of divorce, but after the divorce is final, they become extremely stressed (Bray, 001; Doherty & Needle, 11).

Although males experience more external effects and females more internal, both have many problems coping with divorce. These problems can be very traumatic; however, some effects only last a short period of time. The most devastating effects occur within the first year following the divorce. Many of these problems disappear after two years (Hofmann & Zippco, 186

In our study, we also found that divorced mothers were rated as more overprotective by their children than nondivorced mothers. It is my experience from working with divorced families that children can fall into the role of a friend for some divorced parents. Divorced parents are under stress from the divorce, have less time to socialize with friends, and they often find it easiest to bond with whoever is around the house. Divorced parents may be tempted to share their daily problems with their children, or seek physical or emotional comfort from their children when they are feeling tired or upset. Although the parents needs for support are real, the friend role places too much strain on children, who are already stressed by the changes in their lives caused by divorce. Research shows that kids who feel responsible for taking care of their divorced parents have more emotional problems.

Much research has concerned itself with the transmission of divorce from one generation to the next. Are children of divorced parents likely to get divorced, too? Evidence suggests that there is a heightened risk for divorce in children of divorce (see Amato, 16, for a review). However, a recent study conducted at UCLA by Wolfinger (17a) has found evidence for a downward trend in divorce transmission over the last 0 years. Specifically, children of divorce are 50% less likely to become divorced now than 0 years ago. Wolfinger suggests that the increased prevalence and acceptance of divorce may account for this trend.

Another interesting finding from Wolfingers research (17b) is that children of divorce appear to marry other children of divorce at a rate greater than chance alone would predict. Furthermore, marriages of two children of divorce are especially likely to end in divorce. Clearly, even if the transmission of divorce has become more moderated as a result of the divorce revolution in the past 0 years, many children of divorce still carry considerable baggage with them into their own marriages which may, under some conditions, lead to a higher risk for divorce.



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